Friends, it's time to take another look at that tired old mystery: Who
fathered the Miser brothers?
This question has come up in years past while viewing the classic
Rankin/Bass animated show "Year Without A Santa Claus." The standout players
in this gripping drama were, of course, those climate-controlling rascals,
the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser. And here's the puzzle: One of the Miser
brothers refers to the other as his "step brother." However, it seems clear
that Mother Nature is the biological mother of both Snow and Heat Miser. We
can safely assume that the term "step brother" was used incorrectly, and
that Snow Miser and Heat Miser are actually half brothers. No surprise that
either brother might get these terms confused -- outside their limited area
of expertise (that is, the stupid temperature), they are most likely dumb as
So then, the question: Who are the fathers?
Last year, after a bit of consideration, I proposed that perhaps Heat
Miser's father is the devil, while Snow Miser's father is Jack Frost. They
would seem to be likely candidates... at first glance.
Recently, Felicity and I watched another Rankin/Bass classic, "Jack Frost."
I hadn't seen this show in many years, and had forgotten that Jack Frost was
just so... you know, frosty. The little elf-like suit, the girlish features,
the way he just pranced around, taking to the sky as dainty as Brian Boitano
on ice... suddenly it just didn't add up. (Admittedly, a slightly better
argument could be made for the Jack Frost we see in "Frosty's Winter
Wonderland", but still... no.)
But a new candidate emerged, during that same viewing of "Jack Frost."
Felicity realized that Father Winter (Jack Frost's boss in the winter-making
operation) just might be the weirdo we're looking for. Father Winter is a
great big hulk of a guy, a truly commanding presence. One could certainly
see him catching the eye of Mother Nature. And his name -- FATHER WINTER --
A longshot possibility as Snow Miser's true father is the Winter Warlock, as
seen in "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town." (We're talking pre-"One Foot in
Front of the Other", of course.) But that's rather unlikely, and just plain
creepy to think about. So at this point, the smart money is on Father
As for Heat Miser's father, I'm still going with my original theory that
it's the devil. In fact, at one point during "Year Without a Santa Claus,"
Snow Miser refers to Heat Miser as his "devil of a brother." Come on.
So that's where we stand at the moment. If anyone digs up any more useful
information, please contact me, as well as your congressional
representatives. Then just wait by the door until help arrives.
No matter what new evidence is unearthed, one fact shall always remain
clear: Mother Nature must have really been kind of a tramp.